I try to be strong for everyone. I try not to unload on everyone, I don't even unload on my spouse. But today kind of put me over the edge.
I woke up and could barely get out of bed. I cannot remember ever having pain like this. I went to the ED because I couldn't stand it. After Xrays, and the doc showing me that I have an extra vertebrae and a bunch of degeneration and arthritis. It just bothered me. He believes I have Sciatica, and that tweeking my back, just made the arthritis worse.
Then I took Roxy to the vet. I wanted to get her annual checkup, and get her scheduled for a teeth cleaning. She has had a little bump on her side for a month or so, I pointed it out and the vet became quite concerned. After she did a needle aspiration she came back and told me that it was a Mast Cell Tumor. We scheduled surgery for Weds. morning. I am blown away. I had a big ole cry........Between work, Daddy, the Board, my new back issues, and now Roxy............I don't know how much more?!?!?
I love this dog. She loves me, and I have never loved another creature like this. I don't know what I will have to do, or spend, but I am gonna take care of her. Please God..........
Monday, February 27, 2012
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Sometimes you just need a reminder......
Today I met with a nurse who is a BSN student and needed to interview a nurse in a leadership position. I had almost cancelled or rescheduled because there was so much going on at the hospital. We were going live with a new software for documenting medication, the surveyors from our accrediting body were there, census is up, so much to do, etc...... but I didn't cancel. I am so happy that I didn't.
The student asked me many questions; Why am I a nurse? Why did I choose Oncology nursing when I started my nursing journey? Why did I make the change from the bedside to leadership? How did I decide to become a CNO? All of which I could answer, and have answered many times.
The answer is the same for all of the above. "I answered the call". Each time I made one of the above decisions it was taken out of my hands. I believe with every ounce of my being that I was supposed to be a nurse, I never felt it was a choice, but a given.
Nursing happened...............I tried to want to be something else, but I just couldn't.
Oncology Nursing happened.....I was a nurse extern on an Oncology unit because that was the only spot left.....but I was supposed to be there. I stayed there when I graduated and I was blessed to take care of many people from so many different cultures. As life would have it I ended up caring for two of my distant cousins; It was emotionally and mentally draining but I know there was a reason they wound up on my units. It was overwhelming at times, and although I learned so much more about my family during that time, it nearly killed me when we lost them. I wouldn't trade a moment though because I was supposed to be there. I was so blessed.
Leadership happened........it was the natural course, the opportunities were placed in my path........each time I was called, and I didn't feel there was another choice. Each leaderhip opportunity has built on the last, bringing people into my path who I can learn from, share experiences with......and I have learned from all of them.
Sometimes it is really stressful and challenging, and I think I want to go back to the bedside, (and sometimes that Wal Mart greeter job looks attractive.) But when I think it through I realize that I am where I am supposed to be.
The student and I talked quite a bit more. We discussed the future of nursing, and health care, how technology has changed over the years, the challenges nurses face, etc..... She is drawn to Labor and Delivery and is thinking of being a Nurse Practitioner. Her motivation is coming from the right place, and I enjoyed my discussion with her. We will be meeting again next week.
As she left my office I got to thinking; If I had a choice, would I do it all over again? It isn't a choice, it is my calling.
Thanks for the reminder......
The student asked me many questions; Why am I a nurse? Why did I choose Oncology nursing when I started my nursing journey? Why did I make the change from the bedside to leadership? How did I decide to become a CNO? All of which I could answer, and have answered many times.
The answer is the same for all of the above. "I answered the call". Each time I made one of the above decisions it was taken out of my hands. I believe with every ounce of my being that I was supposed to be a nurse, I never felt it was a choice, but a given.
Nursing happened...............I tried to want to be something else, but I just couldn't.
Oncology Nursing happened.....I was a nurse extern on an Oncology unit because that was the only spot left.....but I was supposed to be there. I stayed there when I graduated and I was blessed to take care of many people from so many different cultures. As life would have it I ended up caring for two of my distant cousins; It was emotionally and mentally draining but I know there was a reason they wound up on my units. It was overwhelming at times, and although I learned so much more about my family during that time, it nearly killed me when we lost them. I wouldn't trade a moment though because I was supposed to be there. I was so blessed.
Leadership happened........it was the natural course, the opportunities were placed in my path........each time I was called, and I didn't feel there was another choice. Each leaderhip opportunity has built on the last, bringing people into my path who I can learn from, share experiences with......and I have learned from all of them.
Sometimes it is really stressful and challenging, and I think I want to go back to the bedside, (and sometimes that Wal Mart greeter job looks attractive.) But when I think it through I realize that I am where I am supposed to be.
The student and I talked quite a bit more. We discussed the future of nursing, and health care, how technology has changed over the years, the challenges nurses face, etc..... She is drawn to Labor and Delivery and is thinking of being a Nurse Practitioner. Her motivation is coming from the right place, and I enjoyed my discussion with her. We will be meeting again next week.
As she left my office I got to thinking; If I had a choice, would I do it all over again? It isn't a choice, it is my calling.
Thanks for the reminder......
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
I did what???
Today I was confronted by someone who thought I said something. Well, I didn't say the something that they claimed, and I responded in that manner. I then tried to figure out where this confrontation came from because it was VERY unexpected, and way out of context.
Then, "I am negative" all the time so they say. Once again being told that I "said" something. I do try to stand up for my opinions, and support my people....but I don't believe I said what was said that I said.
SO.....I'm sorry if you believe what you believe I said, but if you do......then you just don't know me.
Thank you.
Then, "I am negative" all the time so they say. Once again being told that I "said" something. I do try to stand up for my opinions, and support my people....but I don't believe I said what was said that I said.
SO.....I'm sorry if you believe what you believe I said, but if you do......then you just don't know me.
Thank you.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Changing Times
Wow, today was strange. We had a family dinner, and although I fed these kids all their lives, it had been a long time since we just got together for no reason other than dinner. I have made SO many casseroles in my day, stretched many meals with noodles, rice and potatos, added extra cans of veggies when an extra kid showed up, and I have loved doing it....but this time was different.
Now, each of them is going their own way. Initially, some wanted to be "independent", and to be "free" of parental bondage. I have heard it all, and tried to just keep my mouth shut because "I didn't know what the real world was like". I have watched from a distance, only to get calls from each one of them at one time or another when they "just needed to bounce an idea off", or if they needed advice. I have gotten a few frantic calls as well. Many that started with "Don't tell Dad", or "Please don't be mad"........I would venture to guess that I am not alone in that regard.
Now that they are getting older, they seem to be changing their minds a bit about us "old folks". They have shared that they want more time with us, all of us as a family. When I first heard this from one of the boys, I nearly fell out of my chair, I had almost given up!!!
We decided that we needed to re-establish some family time. We have another grandchild on the way, and we need to do a better job being a family. I am committed to this, and look forward to getting to know the young adults that we raised.
Now, back to today's dinner........I made what I knew would get them to talking about their favorite foods growing up, and they started giving me ideas for what we would have next time...............I was very pleased that they want to have a next time.................
I looked around the room and although they are all in their "twentys"...........I still think of them as kids. Maybe that is just a "Mom" thing. I have made dinner for these kids hundreds of times......what has changed is that they are adults............they bring new "kids" into the equation..........and I look forward to watching them all grow into their skin.
What has not changed is that they can still put away home cooking!!!
Now, each of them is going their own way. Initially, some wanted to be "independent", and to be "free" of parental bondage. I have heard it all, and tried to just keep my mouth shut because "I didn't know what the real world was like". I have watched from a distance, only to get calls from each one of them at one time or another when they "just needed to bounce an idea off", or if they needed advice. I have gotten a few frantic calls as well. Many that started with "Don't tell Dad", or "Please don't be mad"........I would venture to guess that I am not alone in that regard.
Now that they are getting older, they seem to be changing their minds a bit about us "old folks". They have shared that they want more time with us, all of us as a family. When I first heard this from one of the boys, I nearly fell out of my chair, I had almost given up!!!
We decided that we needed to re-establish some family time. We have another grandchild on the way, and we need to do a better job being a family. I am committed to this, and look forward to getting to know the young adults that we raised.
Now, back to today's dinner........I made what I knew would get them to talking about their favorite foods growing up, and they started giving me ideas for what we would have next time...............I was very pleased that they want to have a next time.................
I looked around the room and although they are all in their "twentys"...........I still think of them as kids. Maybe that is just a "Mom" thing. I have made dinner for these kids hundreds of times......what has changed is that they are adults............they bring new "kids" into the equation..........and I look forward to watching them all grow into their skin.
What has not changed is that they can still put away home cooking!!!
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Not Guilty
Have you ever felt guilty for having a good day? Today, I honestly felt a bit guilty, and it has been bothering me. We are looking at another big snowstorm, and the cold is getting to me, but I enjoyed my day.
I think that when things are not going as expected, or when something stressful is thrown in the mix that we all "expect" for it to be awful. Yes, it can be tiring, an make you think on your feet, but it doesn't have to be a bad thing!!
Sometimes when things get mixed up a little, it gives you a sense of satisfaction to rise to the challenge....that happened today so, maybe I should plead NOT guilty because really, today was good.
I think that when things are not going as expected, or when something stressful is thrown in the mix that we all "expect" for it to be awful. Yes, it can be tiring, an make you think on your feet, but it doesn't have to be a bad thing!!
Sometimes when things get mixed up a little, it gives you a sense of satisfaction to rise to the challenge....that happened today so, maybe I should plead NOT guilty because really, today was good.
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